Please Choose the Best Answer

Sending Clear Messages
When talking with your child, sending clear messages helps build a foundation of trust, fosters a healthy self-esteem, encourages positive behavior, and helps tone down frustration and stress in the family.
  • Your tone of voice is extremely important. Yelling simply doesn't work. The loud noise will shut down the listener (your teen) and you will not get through. If you feel the need to yell, take time out of the conversation.
  • If you're giving your teenager instructions, write them down. It's a fail-safe for teens and adults. This way they will remember what they are expected to do and you can feel sure that you 'told' them correctly.
  • "Because I said so" actually works when you are being pulled into a power struggle in discipline situations. You are the parent, and because of this, you do have the final say. Teenagers know this and trust you because of it. But do try to explain your reasoning whenever possible.
  • Do things together one-on-one and with the whole family. Good times often bring about great conversations, and wonderful memories.
  • Never shut your teen out to show that you disapprove of their behavior. If you need time before you can talk to them about something that has upset you, tell them that you need time.
Opening the Door to Conversation
One important listening skill to use when talking with your teenager is using Door Openers, as opposed to Door Slammers. Door Openers do not judge. Door Slammers are just the opposite. They tell your teenager that you do not wish to have this discussion with them.

Examples of Door Openers
  • "What do you think?"
  • "Would you like to share more about that?"
  • "That's a good question."
  • "I don't know, but I'll find out"
  • "I'm interested in what you are saying."
  • "Do you know what that means?"
  • "That sounds important to you."
  • "Do you want to talk about it?"
Examples of Door Slammers
  • "If you say that again, I'll..."
  • "That's none of your business."
  • "I don't care what your friends are doing!"
  • "We'll talk about that when you need to know."
  • "Why are you asking me that?"
  • "You don't need to know about that."
  • "Don't come to me if you mess up."
  • "Go ask your father/mother."
Adapted from Denise Witmer, Parenting of Adolescents, About.com
PARENTS: It’s Your Responsibility!
Many parents feel their teens are "old enough to know better" and therefore are totally responsible for themselves. This is simply not true. You not only have the right to check up on your teen and see that they are behaving appropriately, you legally have the responsibility to do so. Here are some resources that will help:
TIPS ON STAYING INVOLVED
Getting more involved with your teen or preteen today will help you stay connected tomorrow.

We know it's not always easy. We know there's not always time. Below are some tips:
  • Schedule time for you and your child. Even scheduling a short time--say, 10 minutes--can show your child he or she is important.
  • Catch your child doing something right; then offer a compliment. This can be as easy as saying, "Hey, your room looks great."
  • Prove you're listening: Ask questions.
  • Post a family calendar. A good way to keep your family connected is to write everything down.
  • Create rules, then enforce them. Say "yes" when you can, but make "no" stick. Only the rules you enforce will matter.
  • Share a meal regularly with your preteen. Teens who report eating meals with their family are less likely to smoke or use drugs and do better in school.
  • Share your day. One way to help your child open up is to share a brief story about your day first, especially if you saw something funny.
  • Write your child a thank-you note.
  • Some teens say one of the reasons they know their parents care is because they get thank-you notes left at the dinner table, stuck in a book, or slipped under a pillow.
  • Ask him or her for advice. Talking about simple issues such as what to wear to an event or where to place a picture shows you value their opinion, especially if you occasionally act on their advice.
  • Give your teen family responsibilities. By giving your child responsibilities you are implicitly saying you trust his or her competence.
For More Information
Use the following links and
Be sure to check out our More Resources button